I’m not. I mean, I try not to be; I consider all forms of superstition as being fundamentally at odds with my faith in God. You can’t have it both ways. Either the universe has meaning, or it doesn’t.
Nevertheless, I find it very difficult to avoid being increasingly superstitious regarding babycare. I’m scared to point out how long she’s been asleep, and how well she usually sleeps through the night, for fear that drawing attention to such things will jinx them, and she’ll never sleep again.
That said, I feel like I’m finally starting to get to know Daisy a bit. I’m just not sure how much I’m learning, and precisely what I’m learning about. For example: over the last week or so it’s finally dawned on me that the very worst thing I can do to Daisy is to fail to prioritise her sleeping. Not just at night – I’ve always prioritised that pretty highly – but if she goes more than about three hours without a decent nap, she gets over-tired, and can’t sleep at all, and then we have screaming baby, for hours on end. Then, when she’s so exhausted she can’t stay awake a moment longer, it’s a fitful, restless sort of sleep, that doesn’t take for more than ten minutes, and is easily disturbed by noises, or by being put down in the crib. Those are the nights that she keeps us up till the wee hours, and frequently the only solution is to put her in the car and drive for an hour.
So, I’ve learned that if she hasn’t slept, and doesn’t look like sleeping, put her in the car sooner rather than later. Why drive around Liverpool at 4am, if you can do it at 8pm with the same effect? As a result of this and other lessons, she’s sleeping better, going down more easily, and staying down longer. What I don’t know, is how much is me, and how much is her. Am I really learning about her, and how to manage her better, or has she just got better at sleeping with six weeks of practice? And am I learning useful lessons in babycare, or am I learning about Daisy’s individual personality, in a way that would be no use at all with any subsequent children that we might have? I feel like we’re getting more in control, and generally better at the parenting thing, but is it all an illusion?